Listening Constructively

by Gene Linzey on June 22, 2010

“What did you say? You don't have time to… What? I don't understand…. I don't care what it is. Stop what you're doing and get over here right now! This business deal is hanging in the balance, and it is more important to my company than anything else!”

On the other end of the line, this businessman's partner was facing a family health crisis.

The partner's wife did recover, but the businessman lost the deal and his most valued asset—his partner.

We will encounter situations that baffle or frustrate us. When that happens, anxiety often prevents us from properly understanding the deeper reasons why things happen.

When you find yourself in this situation, step back, get a cup of coffee, tea, or hot chocolate, and give yourself time to think things through—because understanding the root cause of one problem can help you recognize the resolution for other challenges.

The person with whom you are speaking is important. The information someone communicates can help save time, money, a business deal, or a reputation. When we honor or respect a person by giving our full attention, the person realizes we value him, his talents, and his opinions. That, in turn, helps release the other person's creativity to solve problems.

For example, a healthy college student couldn't figure out why she kept falling asleep in class; a career scientist could not understand why her experiment would not operate according to theory; and a businessman could not comprehend why he got a poor evaluation.

The student, Jeanette, exercised diligently, ate properly, and got a healthy dose of socializing, but we found out her parents were having marital problems, Jeanette's fiancé just broke off the engagement, and her grades were not up to par. We were not able to help with Jeanette's family problems, but we did provide a support group and recommended a nutritionist. Within a couple of months Jeanette's energy level was up, she was sleeping better, and her grades were good. When I last saw her, she was preparing for graduation and had hired on with a company that provided strong benefits.

Our scientist, Saundra, understood the experiment and correctly entered the data. But her new assistant, Jack, endeavoring to keep warm in the cool building, placed a heater near the experimental apparatus. The increased heat load caused the liquid nitrogen to prematurely boil off which resulted in the machine generating incorrect data.

Because of Saundra's heavy schedule, I mentored Jack. I arranged for the building heat to be raised five degrees and removed the offending local heater. By the time Saundra transferred to another division the next year, Jack was prepared to assume leadership of that experiment.

The businessman, Hal, was an expert in his field, and he did everything he could to assure his company was the leading manufacturer of his product. However, being a detail-oriented person, he sometimes became so engrossed in the minutia that he missed some deadlines and gave laborious, time-consuming reports.

Although Hal agreed to attend training classes, including one in time management and Stephen Covey's 7 Habits of Highly Successful People, he did not overcome his predisposition for focusing on the minutia. Realizing he was not a good fit for that company, he voluntarily left to find employment where his natural strengths would be more advantageous.

Although not all problems can be happily resolved, understanding the deeper reasons why things happen can enable us to handle life's situations more easily.

Gene Linzey worked in the aerospace industry, direct sales, and served as a bi-vocational pastor while working at a national laboratory. He is a published author and originally wrote these stories to encourage others in his division. Names and some locations have been changed to protect privacy.